Monday, July 13, 2009

Police say wife strangled Gatti with a purse - pressofAtlanticCity.com : Top Sports Headlines

This is just an accusation at this time. We let courts decide innocence or guilt

Police say wife strangled Gatti with a purse - pressofAtlanticCity.com : Top Sports Headlines

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I'm not out to comment on the death itself, but do have something to say about the tension between the two.

Some say you are supposed to fight in relationships, work through your troubles. OK but when you resort to pushing or anything physical... when you say insulting things at each other... I will follow-up later and flesh out my thoughts on this.

Cont'd.

And I'm back...

From an admittedly limited point of view of this case, we see points of disrespect going on in this situation. Arguments over the clothes the wife wore, the reports of mutual jealousy, hitting, etc. ... there was a lot happening over personality and attitude.

Some folks can be intense in their emotions, good and bad. But that's no excuse. Some people say they are "just being honest/blunt." Still no excuse.

In my experience, people who say "I'm just being honest" are actually looking to justify saying something rude and even misguided. You can get your message across without being flippant or demeaning. Be firm, but don't start insulting each other.

And if being firm doesn't work, maybe it's because the person just isn't listening to you anymore. That is a whole other problem.

They have yet to reveal all the details on this case. More will come out in time.

But let me say this: When you get rude with your partner, it can start an escalation that over time is hard to recover from. Battle lines get drawn and each side will be waiting for the next salvo to be fired.

I've faced a fair share of insults. Even had someone scream "Don't you know who I am?" in my face after I stuck up for myself (without getting nasty). I didn't want to get into an "arms race" with insults. But I admit that later some time later, I did let myself become belligerent. Really, where does that end up? It never turns out pretty.

1 comment:

Janifer said...

There's never any justification for laying a hand on someone. Man or woman, it doesn't matter.

When fists fly or when harsh words are said, it's a sure sign that person has lost all control of their emotion and through frustration, lashes out in the most primitive fashion possible, but when you get right down to it, all it truly says is "I'm angry/hurt and I don't know how to deal with it, so I'll make you angry/hurt just like me", which is never a sound way of dealing with such frustration.

When we truly love someone, we expose ourselves. It's the biggest gamble we make, because we put our heart on the line and far too often, are left broken in the process. When that other person does things that hurts us, we take it harder. It's not like a stranger's words we can slosh off, but it's coming from the person we believe should know us best, should want the best for us, should protect us, instead are the ones carrying the poison dagger.

The unfortunate part is most people react before thinking. They insult before they explain "you hurt me when you...", or sometimes because the other party is so engrossed with defending their own actions, they not only fail to see their loved one's point of view, they refuse to see it.

Ego is the dividing line of what they view is right versus what is best. You must be willing to give up being right all the time to ever be with someone who truly loves you, otherwise you'll end up with messes like this, or (in the PG version) being alone.

Poor communication, reacting rather than listening, being inconsiderate, ego versus conscience: all of these individually are a recipe for disaster, but combined... only brings forth pain.

Flame and Bone

When I was made from fire
Poured into the tender vessel of caution
That keeps my smoke from rising
Quickly did I discover that apart from crisp drizzles or falling snow
The world chilled my touched
Walking the narrow cornered gap between girders and cut stone
One learns to tuck his shoulders in or risk
Jostling a neighbor passing by rapt with want
For a clear path without the distraction
Of another man's boiling eyes
The tip of a finger
That oldest of all weapons
Grown deadlier and pristine in its invention
Gathers a mote of a cinder on its bare flesh
And turns pondering how best to scratch the impious itch
Prying open the tender seam
Where the oil of thought dews
Offering a new wick to ignite
Squirming alive as a salamander of mischief
That yearns for a taste of air it is so ready to devour
The steam of breath betrays me
Before the glint of orange spreads
In popping bright waves
Eroding the fibers feeding it
Leaving naught but ash
As my shell of quietude falls away