Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Let's get "Dating" out of the way first...

No one ever said dating would be easy, but then I don't think our parents could have envisioned the odd set of circumstances that have come into play in this era.

In future installments, I will discuss the influence TV shows such as "The Bachelor", "The Bachelorette" and even "Sex and the City" have on the way people approach dating today.

This evening I will pull the curtain back on some of the dating codes and phrases used today. There are some hidden meanings in the things people say to potential mates and I am here to help decipher what's really going on.

  • "I like to travel." This does not mean day trips to the shore or a bed and breakfast in the country. Break out your passport to keep up with this person. For the men in the audience, this is a way women measure your financial security. I got that piece of information from a good female friend. The man visits Borneo has what the traveler wants. The man who plans a trip to Boston may find himself standing at the airport terminal waving bye-bye to his lady.

  • "I like going to bookstores." That's a white lie. More people find their literature through e-tailers such as Amazon. Brick-and-mortar bookstores such as Borders are fighting for market share. Here's the real story: People say they love bookstores in order to sound cultured. Wait for them to mention an author or a favorite title. THAT's when you get to know about a person. Be a careful with people who only read self-help books or relationship guides. They may try to define you by the last chapter they read.

  • "I'm tired of the bar scene." Well, who isn't? I am not encouraging you to go strutting around the local watering hole. What this person is actually tired of is leaving the house to see people. There is a couch and a TV waiting to offer comfort every Friday night. Getting cleaned up, meeting some friends and having a good laugh are bothersome. The Lifetime channel has just the right movie on all the time.

  • "I just love meeting new people." Run. You just met a serial dater. This person is only looking for fleeting distractions. They may chat you up and listen to your silly stories but they just want a little sample before moving along to the next new face. I met a young lady who said her co-workers sent her to a singles' night because she had dated all their friends. Serial daters don't know how to stop and it's not your fault when they forget your name after 20 minutes.

  • "I will try just about anything once." That's cute. Life is like a series of appetizers to this person. Truth is, this person does not like real change. They will visit a new place, eat new food, etc. only for the sake of saying they did . . . that one time. Ever. If they try something on their own, GREAT! If they wait for you to urge them to try it . . . do not expect a repeat performance. When all attempts at impressing you are done, they will settle back into their real routine.

That's enough for one night. Next time I may explore the phenomena I call "Being Fabulous" . . .

Take all I say with a helping of salt because in the end, what the heck do I know?

5 comments:

Mr said...

Very valid points sir.
painting with a broad brush but defiantly not going off the canvas with this one.

I myself have begun to notice the "I like to travel" line more and more as I keep going on these dates. Now that I know this nugget I can actualy try and translate what questions people are trying to ask and still look polite. I mean seriously, who actually has money to go to europe every season at 999 round trip airfare? thats transparent gold digging.

Money seems to be a bigger deal than actual drive, success or morals. I tried to get a date with a gal who said she couldnt find any good men. For a reason why she said she wasnt interested she said I wasnt "successful" enough or driven enough at work. My rank is high in my department, but my paygrade is low... which was what she was really getting at.

shame dating cant be as easy as it was when grandma and grandpa got together :(


Hasani

Shtetl Fabulous said...

Being recently single, it will be interesting to hear a guy's take on this. You can also check out my blog (www.shtetlfab.blogspot.com). I occasionally veer into the world of dating and relationships... along with a healthy dose of race relations, current events, travel and random thoughts.

HNIC said...

oh? and as a woman who is recently single whats your take on how this whole dating thang has gone rogue?

Grandma Hassi said she married grandpa because he had the prettiest Eyelashes she had ever seen on a man and she liked the way he wore his hat. 8 children and 39 grandchildren is one hell of an empire to base around something so simple.

I cant even get a gal to unlock my car door after I walk around and let her in first... much less anything else.

I must confess though, I am starting to feel like a serial dater I have so many first dates

acereporter73 said...

This CAN relate to both men and women. It just comes down to how we deal with people and what we really want.

I know I make mistakes and don't always handle things the best. But the "Fabulous" demeanor some adopt can be bothersome.

I can think of three different women who bailed on a date/outing just a couple of hours before getting together. In some cases, I already bought tickets and had to eat the loss.

It comes down to people wanting something/someone and trying to figure out if this other person has what they are after. You might see a few elements you are drawn to, but maybe there is something that is making you scratch your head.

People who "like to travel" or "meet new people" are not bad... you just have to accept the fact they have a certain motivation that won't always mesh with your own...

mrs_smith said...

funny about the "I don't like the bar scene"...("I'm tired of the bar scene." Well, who isn't? I am not encouraging you to go strutting around the local watering hole. What this person is actually tired of is leaving the house to see people. There is a couch and a TV waiting to offer comfort every Friday night. Getting cleaned up, meeting some friends and having a good laugh are bothersome. The Lifetime channel has just the right movie on all the time.)

Well, I recall you saying that to me when you met me online..lol

love ya anyways!
Ev

Flame and Bone

When I was made from fire
Poured into the tender vessel of caution
That keeps my smoke from rising
Quickly did I discover that apart from crisp drizzles or falling snow
The world chilled my touched
Walking the narrow cornered gap between girders and cut stone
One learns to tuck his shoulders in or risk
Jostling a neighbor passing by rapt with want
For a clear path without the distraction
Of another man's boiling eyes
The tip of a finger
That oldest of all weapons
Grown deadlier and pristine in its invention
Gathers a mote of a cinder on its bare flesh
And turns pondering how best to scratch the impious itch
Prying open the tender seam
Where the oil of thought dews
Offering a new wick to ignite
Squirming alive as a salamander of mischief
That yearns for a taste of air it is so ready to devour
The steam of breath betrays me
Before the glint of orange spreads
In popping bright waves
Eroding the fibers feeding it
Leaving naught but ash
As my shell of quietude falls away